Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
