he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
he was CRYING into my vagina
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
