A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
he high fived his dick after we had sex
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
