I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Randomize
