It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
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