and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
