I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I touched a dick in church today
Randomize
