I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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