I heard we made out
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize