i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
