i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
