Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
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