just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
