ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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