Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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