I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
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