he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
