I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize