Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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