You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
