Yo dont text me then not text me
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize