he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
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