if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
