Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
