I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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