he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Randomize
