It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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