We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
