so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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