she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
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you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
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Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
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