Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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