I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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