This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
