I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
