Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
