My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
