So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
