Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I party with great urgency now.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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