Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
