girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
