She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Randomize
