He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Randomize
