I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
