96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Randomize
