are you still at the devil's house?
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
