we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
