I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Randomize
