Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
