i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
