she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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