Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Randomize
