he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize
