What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
