he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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