My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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