he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
