At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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