Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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