i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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