how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
