my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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