im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Everclear isn't food dammit
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
