no you cant smoke seaweed
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
She's the barista slut.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
