Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
