Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
