So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
