you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
