my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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