white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
