As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
